I don't think anyone is ever really ready when a pregnancy test smiles at you. I hadn't planned on getting pregnant, but the universe had other plans. I wasn't the first person in line to hold the new baby, or had any desire to play with dolls as a child.I didn't have one ounce of motherly anything.
It wasn't that I didn't want kids, I just felt like I'd be okay if it never happened. Thankfully, God had other plans. Like wayyyyy different plans.
Once I got all settled in with the my new pregnant self, I decided that I would have a beautiful, calm, water birth at home surrounded by candles and heavenly music.
I know...first time mom = clueless.
Once again, my plans didn't pan out that way. I developed a severe case of preeclampsia and had to be transported to a bigger hospital to deliver my son via emergency c-section.
Now that he's is a year and a half, the way he made his entrance to this world fits him perfectly. He's very independent and strong willed. He's a little rebel like me (;.
Thank God for his demeanor, 'cause when you're born almost 4 months early, you've got to be pretty determined.
Becoming a mom three and a half months early made me feel like I was so behind. I felt like I was always trying to play catch up. I had a pile of prenatal books I didn't get to read, maternity clothes with the tags still on and a prenatal yoga DVD that came the week I delivered my son.
I was already feeling unprepared and clueless. Having a baby at 26 weeks sure didn't help. I didn't have a parenting style picked out or even had time to do my research on vaccinating.
It's like I got pushed into the middle of a marathon with no training.
I'm finally beginning to realise that what I'm experiencing is called motherhood. We all have these ideas of how we want things to go and the things we'd like to be better prepared for before baby comes or even the things we'd like to accomplish with our children.
Life goes by whether or not you're prepared. Half the time it doesn't go as planned, and that's okay.
I'm finally okay that I wasn't able to use my hypno-birthing cd, or use the birthing tub we reserved. I'm okay knowing that while I have no clue what I'm doing, that I have a force greater than me that I seek guidance and direction from.
We all have access to that guidance.
Search for it and you will find it.
I'm still pretty new to the parenting scene but check out Sitting on the baby. Amy is a mom and a childhood expert who's not afraid to talk about the tuff stuff like how to handle your screaming baby and other stuff we get scared to talk about as parents. There's lots of help there.
The best advice I could give to new parents, or to any new mother who's life isn't going the way you thought is- as long as you're always doing the best you can, everything will be okay. Be present. Enjoy every minute you can with your babies.
Know that the long nights of no sleep and baby screaming will soon be long gone.
You can do this. You were chosen for this. You're and your kids will be just fine.
Lots of love and blessings,
- Felicia G
